What is love? We all want it, need it, seek it. What is this ethereal ghost that whispers through every thread in the fabric of our lives? It either strengthens or weakens our will and our power to thrive, and because it is not of physical tangible matter, we often mistake its vast and necessary role in our very survival; for love and happiness go hand in hand as the self-evident forces of human life. Nothing is so basic yet vastly complicated and utterly unique in each new expression of it.
Why is it that when we love something or someone, so often we feel we must own it, label it, clench it so tightly in our grip that it holds no chance of ever escaping? Caging a bird for our own enjoyment of its song, tethers it to a limited world much less than its worth. A ‘love’ such as this, is wrought in fear and insecurity, which inevitably strangles the life force of both parties. Can we love someone so confidently and so truly that we instead nurture their freedom and evolution without fear of loss? The commonly glorified love is that which is in need of the other to be complete or happy. Why is it romantic to ‘need’ another to live happily, to base our condition on circumstances outside of ourselves? Placing this power unto another to ‘complete’ you or be your ‘other half’ cripples you with your own blunt sword. A true and healthy love occurs when two wholes join together and seek to further free and inspire each other’s brilliant expression of self, not unconsciously constrain it within the parameters of a dependent and weakened state of being. If you are not content in silence with yourself, with all your demons and all your glory, that will not be found by filling the space with another presence other than your own. Love selflessly, love unconditionally, love true and unbridled.
There is another side to the coin of freedom within love. Can we love openly and uninhibited, without becoming detached or blasé and losing or never gaining that which we deeply desired for ourselves? Acting nonchalant and overly trusting without demonstrating our passionate desire for someone/something will not necessarily attract what we are wanting either. If we always behave malleable and whole, never fervently fighting for our deep wishes or desires of another, do we risk letting people/experiences pass through our lives that otherwise with a little direction might have acquiesced? As the Dalai Lama said, “give the ones you love wings to fly, roots to come back and reasons to stay” I’m led to wonder if we kiss the bird then raise our hand to let it fly freely, will it still choose to stay within reach of our hearing its song if it lacks the knowledge of our ceaseless and fervent desire for it? Just as tethering love with chains of fear rooted questioning or demands rapes its beauty and life force, so too it makes sense that always loving in an ever selfless, unconditional, and trusting manner can also inhibit one from truly gaining that person or experience which they deeply yearned for. As with everything, there must be balance…with love, a balance between a passionate want and action, and a universal trust and support of growth.